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katieeugenie
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Name: Kate
Birthday: 10/20/1980
Gender: Female
Interests: cultures around the world, the Japanese language, cooking and baking, reading, singing, playing the keyboard, and worshipping the Lord through music
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
1/6/2005
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| Thank you to everyone who was praying for the young man I mentioned in my last blog named Luke. He was found and he is alive. Praise the Lord! I'm not sure the details of his condition but he was taken to a hospital there in Ecuador. I think this is truly a miracle that the Lord brought about through prayer. To God be all the glory!! | | |
| I'm becoming increasingly aware of the negative aspects of single
life. Most of all I really dislike being robbed of my
dreams. Somehow I feel it's outside of human nature to dream of
all the things we'll encounter and do someday...all the while
envisioning ourselves alone. It's not that people have to
necessarily form a large part of the dream. Perhaps our friends
or spouse is lurking somewhere in the background, but always in our
dreams we are not suffering from the kind of deep loneliness that I
feel is a major part of my life right now.
I've also felt a deep sense of conviction lately for being so self
involved and for desiring something so deeply to the extent that
somehow it's hard to cut myself off from that line of thinking. I
am struck by our inability to understand God's plan and the fact that
we see everything from a worldly perspective (except where given a
supernatural ability to see by the Holy Spirit). Jesus tells us
to take up our cross. It seems that teaching applies to every
situation in life. Jesus teaches to give of ourselves, to give up
ourselves, to sacrifice and love and give with no hesitation or concern
for ourselves. The gospel of Mark says:
He then began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things
and be rejected by the elders, chief priests, and teachers of the law
and that he must be killed and after three days rise again. He
spoke plainly about this, and Peter took him aside and began to rebuke
him. But when Jesus turned and looked at his disciples, he
rebuked Peter. "Get behind me, Satan!" he said. "You do not
have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." Then he
called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone
would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and
follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but
whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.
What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his
soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" (Mark
8:31-37)
I'm woefully like Peter, lacking the proper perspective. What's
more I still don't want to lay down my life, even after following Jesus
for nearly fourteen years. I have desires and dreams and I'd like
to see them satisfied, an attitude totally dissimilar from Jesus'
teaching. I can't understand how God changes this selfishness and
feel hopeless as I look toward the future, imagining this ugliness to
remain a part of my nature until I die. I guess this is when it's
important to remember that all things are possible with God.
**Please pray for a young man named Luke from my home church. He
is a freshmen in college and was on a trip to Ecuador with one of the
musical performing groups from his college. They were visiting a
national park and he ended up missing. They have not found him
yet. Please pray that he will be found soon and that he is safe.
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| I hate oral exams! I just had my oral exam and it was so bad. She'd ask a question and I'd answer and then she'd just give me this look that said, "Aren't you going to use one of those complicated grammar structures that we learned this quarter?" I was trying, but it seemed we weren't using any similar prompts to what we'd used in class before. I felt thoroughly confused. And I've studied so hard this quarter because my teacher was critical specifically of my oral exam last quarter. Oh well. I know some people were praying for me so I guess that test happened as it ought to have. It didn't help that my test started at 11:46 and I found myself leaving my apartment at 11:23 or something! That is cutting it far too close! It takes about 15 minutes to walk there. Then I kept thinking...what if she's finishing the tests quickly and I am late? I was so worried. So I walked faster and faster (in the heavy snow) and got hotter and hotter. By the time I finally arrived I was ready to rip off my coat, sweater, and hat. Much like running to the train in Funehiki :) So perhaps I'm not smelling so nice right now either. Last night I went to a different Bible study than usual. It was so amazing. We studied Matthew chapter 8. Jesus is so amazing. Sometimes when I get away from reading the gospels for a long time and then I come back to them again I'm amazed at his words and authority. At the beginning of the study we watched a video that follows the text exactly and I loved how much it portrayed Jesus showing love through touch. After he healed the leper, the man ran over to him and tackled him. The leper was laughing and smiling and hugging Jesus. And Jesus didn't think it silly. He didn't try to distance himself from this almost insanely joyful man. How beautiful! We serve a Lord that not only heals, but rejoices with us. It made me think that anytime I feel like dancing or singing with joy or anytime I'm laughing so hard that I cannot stop, God must be present with me. He must be equally revelling in my joy and victory. | | |
| Yesterday I went to visit my ancient dog...in six days he will be
seventeen years old! My mom said that I should come and see him
because she's not sure he will survive until I finish exams. He
is getting thinner and thinner. So I went and had some quality
time with the dog that was born in my home and I played a crucial role
in naming. He looks like a fox right now because he's lost so
much weight and Mom has recently trimmed his hair short.
Yesterday in class a friend said to me, "I want to believe again, but I
just have so many questions. I don't know God would want us
because we're always being so selfish and fighting with
eachother. And how can an imperfect person go to heaven?
Isn't heaven supposed to be this perfect place?" I was amazed at
what she said. I think that God is really drawing this young
woman to Himself. When I shared with her before that I felt God
was directing my life she was really amazed and seemingly moved by the
kind of peace and direction that I am able to experience as a child of
God. This quarter I've had two classes with this friend and
I think that is no coincidence. Sometimes it is so exciting to
think about who God is placing in our everyday lives and why He might
be doing that. In some ways, it's easy to just go through the
paces without caring about the people we happen upon, but how selfish
and unlike Jesus that is! I know I'm guilty of that and I want
God to expand my heart to love people more.
I also had one of those really interesting cross cultural conversations
that I love a couple days ago. My friend affirmed that he
believes it's best for Christians to marry Christians and his reason
was because of a Christian's priorities in using their money. He
said it would be a source of conflict for a married couple if one was a
Christian and desired to tithe to the church while the other was a
non-believer. I thought that was a pretty insightful comment and
I agreed with him. Of course, there are many more reasons,
too. God's way always seems to make sense from multiple angles
when we really take time to think it through. He also expressed
disgust at women who become desperate to marry as they reach thirty and
so they just settle for any old person. He said that guys who
they deemed as creepy or nerdy when they were younger are transformed
in their minds and suddenly "look kind." I'm sure he's
right. It's a natural process, I think. Even I have been
questioning pretty much everything I've always held to be true in this
area. But I feel really good that somehow God has given me the
strength to persevere as a single woman this long and He's even renewed
my commitment to expecting something really wonderful in this
area. God's nature is to bless us in unexpected and amazing ways
so that's what I'm waiting for.
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| Okay, Carrie's right, a new xanga post is far overdue :)
I guess I'm not sure what to write about. I'm settling in here
more and more and busy with my studies. It's very good. I
feel so blessed to be here now and to see that God planned for me to
come here. In February eight people from my church (including me)
are going to go to a conference called Reaching Japanese for Christ and
I'm very excited. I think the conference will mainly focus on
ministering to Japanese living in the U.S., but for me even being a
part of such a group is wonderful. I'm excited to meet those
working in this field and I'm even more excited because it seems that
since I came to Columbus, God is giving the members of my church and
fellowship a bigger and bigger burden for the Japanese. It is
such a blessing to see that kind of movement taking place in my
community.
I'm confused about dating and love and relationships and wish that I
could just ask someone and that they could tell me the answer. In
fact, I feel this way about many areas of life. If only there
were some kind of clear cut rule book or answers to the questions that
are so confusing. For example, what should I do with my
life? Do I expect too much from love/romance? Is choosing a
marriage partner like choosing a college...do I investigate a person of
potential interest and then at some point choose them in spite of their
flaws?
On a random note about dating, the pastor at church was preaching on
Rebekah last week. He said that one time a mother came up to
him. Her daughter was at an age where she would be dating and
perhaps even marrying soon, so the mom asked, "Should my daughter marry
a man who has love and passion for the Lord? Or should she marry
someone who is handsome?" I think a lot of people in church
actually snickered at this point in the story, thinking to themselves,
"Isn't it obvious? Of course, she should date the godly
man." The pastor said that at that moment he felt clearly the
Holy Spirit pressing him to give this answer. "She should marry a
man who has both." He said that of course she should marry a
godly man, but that she should hold out until she meets a man who is
"as handsome as she desires." Some time later he said the young
woman called him and told him, "I met someone who is both!" The
point of his story was that God desires to give us extravagant
blessings, not merely just enough to get by on.
Actually this presents one of those kind of questions I have about
life...is dating really a spiritual matter in the way that we modern
day Christian Americans have spiritualized it? I think it is
certainly spiritual in that God is in charge of the people that He
places in our lives, but could it be that dating and loving should
simply be about wanting to be with a person who is attractive to
us? Have we made it too spiritual with all our talk or preparing
for marriage and courtship and meeting the right person when we are
ready in terms of our faith? Honestly, I don't know and if I
think about it from this kind of contemporary Christian American
perspective I often find myself experiencing two things...thinking
there must be some kind of flaw in me that God has allowed me to be
single for so long and feeling absolutely incapable of expressing any
kind of interest in a single guy (heaven forbid a Christian woman,
flirt).
I hope I haven't become cynical. Strangely at this phase I am
considerably more optimistic about what God might provide in the area
of a husband than I have been in a long time. Perhaps because I
am actually experiencing real friendship with Christian men at this
phase in my life. But of course, it is still all a great big
mystery to me.
On the topic of being cynical...actually I don't know if that's the
right word. I was feeling last night a real conviction from the
Spirit that my heart has gotten kind of old in some ways. I went
to a prayer meeting and there was a young woman there (probably 20
years old) and she had this kind of openness of expression in her face
while she was praying and worshipping the Lord. It made me
remember when I was more like that. Since that time, I've
experienced so much and the Lord has been good to me through it
all. Yet, I feel that my heart and my countenance lacks something
that I saw in her. If we're supposed to be like a child, I have a
long way to go. Funny how we can see ourself as possessing
certain qualities and then God can open our eyes to how very wrong we
are. I need to return to a place of having a pure and trusting
heart that expects God to come through in miraculous ways.
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